Sunday, October 27, 2013

Oh, What Fun: Revision Time

  Hello! I've made revisions to a paragraph from my short works essay on James Joyce's story "Eveline". Here I have posted an original, not-so-great paragraph and a revised, slightly-better version of the paragraph! Enjoy.

The original, not-so-great paragraph:

The ship, which Eveline plans to escape with Frank on, signifies Eveline’s opportunity of escape.  Frank, a sailor, had “…tales of distant countries…He told her the names of the ships he had been on and the names of the different services. He had sailed through the Straights of Magellan and he told her stories of the terrible Patagonians,” (Joyce 22). He intrigues Eveline with tales of foreign places; Eveline, too, wants to experience new things on her own. Eveline “was to go away with him by the night-boat to be his wife and to live with him in Buenos Ayres where he had a home waiting for her,” (Joyce 21). She finally makes her own decision: she plans to sail away on the ship and relocate to a foreign place. Eveline has the chance at a new life—one that doesn’t involve the familiarity of her home. However, when the time comes to make a final decision and board the ship, “She felt her cheek pale and cold and, out of a maze of distress, she prayed to God to direct her, to show her what was her duty. The boat blew a long, mournful whistle into the mist,” (Joyce 23). Eveline, unable to go through with her plan, does not escape to Buenos Ayres with Frank. Although given the opportunity to leave her familiar and unchanging life, Eveline chooses not to step onto the ship. Instead, she sticks to what she has known her entire life. 



The revised, slightly-better paragraph:

The ship, which Eveline plans to escape with Frank on, signifies Eveline’s opportunity of escape. Frank, a sailor, had “…tales of distant countries…He told her the names of the ships he had been on and the names of the different services. He had sailed through the Straights of Magellan and he told her stories of the terrible Patagonians,” (Joyce 22). He intrigues Eveline with tales of foreign places, which in turn encourages Eveline to want to experience new things on her own. She finally makes her own decision: she resolves to sail away on the ship and relocate to a foreign location. Eveline “was to go away with him by the night-boat to be his wife and to live with him in Buenos Ayres where he had a home waiting for her,” (Joyce 21).  Eveline’s chance at a new life doesn’t involve the familiarity of her home. However, when the time comes to make a final decision—board the ship to Buenos Ayres or stay put in familiar surroundings—Eveline desperately needs guidance, “She felt her cheek pale and cold and, out of a maze of distress, she prayed to God to direct her, to show her what was her duty. The boat blew a long, mournful whistle into the mist,” (Joyce 23).  Eveline retracts from her original plan and does not escape to Buenos Ayres with Frank. Although given the opportunity to leave her accustomed life, Eveline chooses against change. Instead, she sticks to what she has known her entire life. 




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